Right Medicine

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“For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear? Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator” (1 Peter 4:17-19).

February 7, 2005 – Over a month before the death of our baby son Thomas Shepard Bunker this past week, the Lord led me very strongly to the works of the great Puritan preacher Thomas Shepard.  It has become obvious to many of you that for quite awhile I have been curious and concerned about the complete lack of growth or maturity in those who profess to be the true Church of Jesus Christ (those who have right doctrine, a concept of proper separatism and holiness, and knowledge of the times).  In my study, I was led repeatedly to the works of Thomas Shepard.  I purchased his 3 volume works over a month ago, and began to devour them as soon as I received them in the mail.  What followed was the most intense time of prayer and personal reflection I have ever experienced as a Christian.  Daily I would relate to my friends and family how profoundly I was being affected by Shepard’s writings.  Within a few days, I had read two biographies of Shepard, and I was moved to tears by the account of his life.

Thomas Shepard had been silenced by the evil Archbishop Laud in December of 1630 during the persecution of the Puritans by the Church of England.  To Shepard, Laud had commanded:

“that you neither preach, read, marry, bury or exercise any ministerial function in any part of my diocese; for if you do, and I hear of it, I’ll be upon your back, and follow you wherever you go, in any part of the kingdom, and so everlastingly disenable you.”

I was tremendously blessed by the attitude of Mr. Shepard while he was being hunted around England from the north to the south of the kingdom by the pursuivants (agents of Laud) who wished to arrest him.  He claimed:

“The Lord saw me unfit and unworthy to be continued there any longer.”

While not excusing the abominable and wicked behavior of the evil agents of religion, Shepard was willing to except Laud as the scourge formed by the hand of the Lord to perfect and chastise His Church.  This beautiful humility was very attractive to me, and showed forth the grace of the Lord at work in Mr. Shepard.  Thomas Shepard peacefully accepted the scourging of the Lord as an act of love towards him and the Church.  Still, he did not bend to the overwhelming wickedness and impiety of the day, nor did he fall silent before those who celebrated at his afflictions, or who wickedly bowed to the overwhelming pressure to conform.  In defense of the decision of many Puritans to separate from the Church of England and flee to America, Shepard said:

“Was it not a time when human worship and inventions were grown to such an intolerable height, that the consciences of God’s people, enlightened in the truth, could no longer bear them?  Was not the power of the tyrannical prelates so great, that, like a strong current, it carried every thing down stream before it?  Did not the hearts of men generally fail them?  Where was the people to be found that would cleave to their godly ministers in their sufferings, but rather thought it discretion to provide for their own quiet and safety?  What would men have us do in such a case?  Must we study some distinctions to salve our consciences in complying with so manifold corruptions in God’s worship?” (Life of Thomas Shepard, John Albro, Works of Thomas Shepard, Volume 1).

Three years later, Mr. Shepard had made arrangements to go to the colonies with his wife and young child (Thomas Shepard).  As they left England in the ship, a great storm hit and grounded their vessel, almost killing all aboard.  As the Shepard family returned to the shore in a small vessel, the young Thomas Shepard was seized with vomiting and sickness and died 2 weeks later.  Once again, like seeing the movement of wind in a field of wheat, we can see the movement of the Holy Spirit in the true children of God.  Of Shepard it is said,

“There was no murmuring under the rod.  The feeling of his heart was that of a loving child kindly chastised by a tender father; and he saw in every blow a manifestation of divine love, and a corrective of his waywardness.  As if the Lord ‘saw that these waters were not sufficient to wash away my sinfulness, he cast me into the fire.  He showed my weak faith, pride, carnal content, immoderate love of creatures, of my child especially, and begat in me some desires and purposes to fear his name.  I considered how unfit I was to go to such a good land as New England with such an unmortified, hard, dark, formal, hypocritical heart; and therefore no wonder if the Lord did thus cross me.” (Life of Thomas Shepard, XCIX)

As I read this (still weeks before our own trial) I was not only thankful to God for bringing my own miserable state before my eyes through the grace exhibited by Mr. Shepard, but I began to consider that my condition was even worse than I had thought, that the Lord had not chosen to deal thus with me.  I began to suspect that maybe I was beyond hope, and that the Lord had not dealt with my sins in this manner because He had forsaken me as a lost cause.  So I began to pray that I truly was a child of God, and that my own sins would be exposed to me before it was too late.  Then, in my prayer time, during the night, the Lord showed me that He had brought me to the Works of Thomas Shepard for a purpose, and that I too must be caused to suffer.  I began to grieve, and it became clear to me that the life of our unborn baby, and that of my wife, would be required of me.

I denied that what the Lord had showed me was true; but the Lord confirmed it to me over and over again, so that eventually I went to Danielle and asked her if we could change the name that we had together decided upon for the child.  We had previously determined that we would name the child Jonathan Edwards Bunker (if it were to be a boy).  I asked Danielle if we could name the baby Thomas Shepard Bunker.  She was very pleased with this name, and from that time on we called the unborn baby “Thomas”.  I could not tell people what was going on with me spiritually, but I began to read excerpts of Mr. Shepard’s works (primarily The Sincere Convert) to all who would listen.  I explained the peaceful way that Shepard had accepted chastisement, and commented that this is the maturity that I prayed that the Lord would work in me.

On Tuesday morning, when it became obvious to me that Thomas was dead and could not be revived, the Lord flooded me with both a full recognition of the evil of my sins and rebellion, and simultaneously I was made aware of the peace of the Lord that passes all understanding.   For several hours, it seemed as if my wife was doing fine, and I concluded that the extent of the trial was over, and that the Lord had heard my petitions for her life, and had chosen to spare her to me.

Several hours after, as we began to handle the situation with the death of Thomas (dealing with the Justice of the Peace, etc.), we became aware that Danielle was not doing well.  She was having severe pains, and she began to go down hill fast.  She was rushed to the hospital in shock.  On the way to the hospital, alone with the Lord, I was pleading to Him to save her life, and to spare her.  I told the Lord that I had peacefully handled the death of the child, but if He were to take Danielle from me, I don’t think I could bear it.  When I got to the hospital, she was in critical condition, and the doctors were planning on extensive surgery to find out where she was bleeding.  Most of you know about all that followed, and how her life was spared by the Lord in a miraculous way.  The Lord’s mercy and grace was made known to me, and I was allowed to see how fragile and tenuous life really is, and how much we owe to God for our every breath.  Our lives daily hang by a thread, and we live and breathe by the mercy of God alone.  God is ever good to His children, and He is longsuffering towards us in so many ways.

It would not be right for me, having received such a gracious reprieve from the Lord, to share with you the wonders of what He has done and how He told me what chastisements were to come to pass, without also sharing with you why I think the Lord has given us this message.

Our text says that “judgment must begin at the house of God”, and we should know that that judgment is historically very severe, and will only apply to us if we are the house of God.  There is the assumption that the “us” in these verses applies to those who are elected, regenerated and converted Christians, and I am afraid to say that there are so few of those in these wicked times that I cannot say when or where this judgment will take place.  Our text says that the righteous are “scarcely” saved, which gives us a firm knowledge of how severe our testing and judgment shall be.  We can be assured that no pretender, no light professor, no worldly hypocrite, no unrepentant religiousite can ever hope to enter into heaven, for indeed the righteous are scarcely saved.  Those who follow the will of God, are said to “suffer for the will of God”, and are told to commit the keeping of their souls to the Lord.  But what can we say of most who call themselves Christians?  What can we say of those who continue to love the world while giving lip service to God’s will?  If the righteous are scarcely saved, what can we expect to come of the unrighteous?

It is certain that many are celebrating our chastisements and our suffering; just as the Laudian pursuivants celebrated the calamities that came upon our dear Mr. Shepard.  I am certain that there are those who are publicly and privately convinced that God has vindicated them and their sins against a preacher whom they have previously condemned.  It is natural for the wicked to feel vindicated by the suffering of the righteous.  When Mr. Shepard subsequently lost his wife, and later another child, it is probable that the Antinomians and wordlings of his day felt satisfied that God’s blows were blows of condemnation against their enemy.  But nothing could be further from the truth.  There is no doubt that God’s rod has fallen upon me for my sins… this I do not deny.  I have had my sins brought forth before my face as the very weapons of warfare that I have borne against a God who has loved me patiently, cared for me infinitely, blessed me repeatedly.  My own wickedness has certainly brought this calamity upon me.  But it is not as some might think; in fact, the reality of the situation might be completely other than some suppose.  I am not convicted of sin in harshly dealing with friends and enemies in defense of the message God has given us.  I am convicted of my sin in not preaching the message more clearly, more completely, more perfectly.  I am convicted of the sin of hypocrisy, in not being a better example of separation, holiness, righteousness and obedience.  I am convicted of the sins of omission and commission in failing to properly guide, teach and love those the Lord has placed under my care.  I have not prayed for you enough.  I have not challenged you enough.  I have not loved you like Christ loved the Church.  I have sinned in trying to please too many carnal, comfortable professors, and in neglecting the spiritual growth and care of those in whom I see the spark of spiritual life.  I have sinned blasphemously in my heart by desiring that more people would flock to our message, rather than feeding the flock of God with whom the Lord has entrusted me.  My pride has made me a man-pleaser, and in many ways I have sold out the message for popularities sake.

Many are now convinced that separatism and holiness are internals, and that God cares not for the actions of the body.  This is the sin of dualism, and it must be identified for what it is.  Our sins are weapons formed against Christ.  Our syncretism with the world is a sin against Christ.  Our sins of failing to obey the commandments of God are weapons formed against our own longsuffering Savior.  Do not tell me that God is only concerned with our “spiritual obedience”, because spiritual obedience alone is no obedience at all.  You cannot serve God with your spirit, and serve the world and Satan with your body.  Too many people are convinced that they are elected of God and covered by the blood when there has been no real change wrought in them at all, other than in some religious affections that they stubbornly hold on to as proof of being born again.  Your affections cannot save you, just as your works cannot.  If you are comfortable as a cadaver with no outward or inward principles of life evident in you, then you are deceived above all creatures and I mourn for your soul.  The house of God will come to judgment, and the Lord will remove hypocrites, self-liars, world-lovers and those who cannot and will not obey.

I cannot tell you how real my sins are made to me now.  I cannot tell you how the loving light of God has illuminated what is rotten and foul in me.  Even my repentance is sin to me, and is woefully unable to comfort me.  I can only tell you that the Lord has done all things well, and if He were to require the lives of all my children, and of my dutiful and loving wife, and even of myself, then He would still have been merciful to me – considering the darkness of my sins.

The judgment of God must begin with the house of God.  If those who groan and moan under the weight of their wickedness and who strive, as they have been commanded, to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven, are scarcely saved, then what of those who cannot and will not repent at all?  What of those in whom there is no evidence at all of spiritual life?  If the righteous are scarcely saved and then only with great difficulty, what of those who travel down the road of light confession, false repentance, carnal comfort and easy believism?

The message of God is not only that Michael Bunker is wicked and rebellious.  The message of God is not only that God will bring fiery trials among those who profess to be His Church.  The message of God is that the wrath of God is a fearful thing, and the Kingdom is only provided for a very, very few.  Our duties cannot save us, but failing of them can surely damn us.  A man cannot be saved by keeping the commandments of God in the flesh, but that man can be assured that he is reprobated by refusing them and resting on promises that were not made to him.

It is a horrible thing to see your dead son unable to be revived, and only hours later to watch the life drain out of the wife of your youth.  But how much more horrible would it be to know that God’s loving chastisement has never fallen upon you in this world, and He has passed you by in order to leave you in your sins?  How frightening a fate to expect that God has no part with you, and you have no part with Him – and that all your religious delusions have failed to secure for you the Kingdom.

The medical arts were unable to save my son, and my wife was only revived by the miraculous intervention of the same One who formed the earth and the heavens and all the things therein.  The right medicine for immortal souls is that they receive life while it is offered, and that they make use of all means of Grace to assure that God’s promises are for them.  There are many and manifold wonderful promises to the children of God, and we should make use of every means of Grace offered to us while God is willing and able to bestow gifts upon us.

True repentance is not what many imagine, and without it we have no hope at all that we are saved.  Pray that God will make your sins real to you, and that He will shine His light upon the secret ramparts of sin in your inner man.  Lord we pray that all that is wicked in us will be made known to us, while it is still not too late.

If God would have His Church persevere in the faith, then we pray that He will deal with us as rebellious children – while we still can learn and grow from His loving chastisements.

Your servant in Christ Jesus,

Michael Bunker